*This is really a post for writers, but
anyone can read it and hopefully gain something from it.
God, where do I even start? My majorly sarcastic side is
about to come out and I may offend, but it’s the chance I have to take because
I’m tired of guy writers being the only ones allowed to dish out sarcasm and
deprecation (including self). I mean, I get it. I know why. When a guy is
sarcastic, he’s awesome and witty and hilaaaaarious. He’s a cool guy. When a
chick is sarcastic, she’s a total bitch. So just pretend I’m a man.
Before I dumped my old personal Facebook page (that I used
for my business), I had a lot of contacts and “friends.” This is because
someone much cooler than I am set it up for me, and she had loads of friends
and was deeply connected to the indie writing world. Anyway, because I had lots
of “friends,” I saw lots of stuff in my newsfeed. And I noticed a trend
emerging among authors that gave me pause to think. And the more I thought, the
more I realized that this particular trend was dangerous. (Not to mention
complete bullshit.) And no one would say anything about it! No one would call
out this trend for violating some very important, inherent rules of writing.
The trend? Name My
Characters! contests. Sometimes not even contests. Sometimes just, “I’m too
fucking lazy to think of a name, so just give me one” posts. People, this is
scary, and here’s why:
1. It’s deeply offensive to the creative writing
process.
No self-respecting writer worth her salt would stoop to this
type of writing collaboration. Writing collaboration
is fine in a critique circle with other like-minded writers—writers whose
purpose it is to call out your bullshit, expect you to tighten it, and help you
strengthen your writing skills. Yes, skills, because as a “writer”
you should have skills. Example: you should be able to identify some literary
devices and actually use them in your novels. But let’s be clear: these
like-minded writers in your critique circle are not naming your characters for
you. If you asked them to, they would politely ask you to leave the circle. It’s
your job to name your characters. That’s part of the writing process. Yes, just
like writing the actual story.
Here’s something to make you chuckle. Out of all my
characters’ names thus far, Cadence is the most important to me. It was
deliberately chosen because of one major detail in the Too Good series: Mark’s
obsession with music. It represents an important part of his life and acts as
his therapy. Hence, I wanted the girl he fell in love with to have a name that
means “rhythmic.” Cadence was, after all, “his song, his life.” In essence, she
became his music therapy. Now for the funny part: half the reviews I read (when
I still read reviews) called her Candace. Candace.
*pausing and blinking* And that’s
okay! Yes, it’s okay because not every reader will find meaning in your
characters’ names (or remember what they are, for that matter). But guess what?
You should. And also guess what? Some readers will. And they’ll message you
about how clever you are. Isn’t that worth putting in the effort?
2. It’s a cheap marketing ploy.
We all want to sell books. Hello. Most of us don’t look at
this writing thing as a hobby. It’s a job we take seriously. It’s painstaking
and oftentimes terribly depressing. One step forward, five steps back sort of
thing. It’s a part of us—a skill and passion deeply rooted in our weird brains
that house weird dreams and desires. So treat it seriously. And have a little
self-respect . . . and respect for the profession. I’m not suggesting a writer
shouldn’t devise clever, fun ways to market her books. I’m saying that when
authors use cheap tactics to sell their work or garner new fans—“Name my
character and you could win my book!”—it completely devalues the sacredness of storytelling.
A character’s name should matter to
the author. It’s just as important as that plot twist or decision to make the hero
go right instead of left. If it doesn’t matter to you, then you’re probably not
a writer. Not to mention it makes the rest of us writers look like assholes: “Why
don’t you run a contest like that,
Summer? You need to be connecting with your audience.” Well, I guess because I
want my stories to sell based on the merit of the writing style, plot, character
development and choices I make,
since, you know, it’s my story.
3. It’s a subversive power play.
The
clever ones know what you’re doing. You want to be the really cool author who
connects with her fans on a level none of the rest of us could ever hope to
understand. You want your fans saying, “Look how creative she is! I just feel
soooo connected to her.” Guess what? Simply writing your story and having the
guts to put it out there for all kinds of critique (both constructive and just
plain ridiculous) makes you the cool
author! Yes! For real! You don’t have to try to compete. Your fans may think
you’re being uber creative, but the other writers out there know that shirking
the responsibility of naming your characters isn’t creative at all. It’s just
lame.
4. It screams, “I don’t care!”
Look it: we all want to get that book finished so we can
move on to the next one. We all want to publish every two to three months, but
newsflash: if you’re publishing every two to three months, chances are your
stories are shit. Take a breath and relax. Go on. You can do it. Relaaaaax into your story. Feel it. Be
consumed by it. Live in it for the appropriate amount of time. What is that? It’s
however much time it takes you to get 90,000 words on the page and then revise
it ten trillion times. Let everything about your story be important to you.
Make deliberate choices. YOU make them, not someone else who is not emotionally
and intellectually invested in your story. They haven’t read it yet, so how can
they be? But you’d let them choose your heroine’s name? Ugh. No. No no no. You’re
better than that. Don’t be a lazy writer. Care about your work.
5. It makes the indie writing world look
stupid.
Are other professional writers doing this? Doubtful. I have
a hard time seeing Stephen King asking his fans to name his next hero. I do,
however, see him telling a writer who employs such ridiculous tactics to go
fuck herself.
***
For the record, I have absolutely no idea if this trend is
still . . . trending. I have about five friends on my new page, so I see
nothing. I’m just going to assume that it still pops up every now and then to
make this post sound relevant. And that’s really because it took me so long to
write it.
<3
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